I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
