somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
