I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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