I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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