Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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