We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
