a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She is in my trunk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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