how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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