Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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