Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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