Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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