everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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