You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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