So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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