My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
