I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize