You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
