and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
