the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
being pregnant is like rehab
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
