you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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