I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize