that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
