I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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