Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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