i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize