I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
