Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
