who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
