then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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