Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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