That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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