im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
