Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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