Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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