I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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