Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
