More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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