im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
