so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
