textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
