Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
