Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
