The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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