guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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