So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
