He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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