Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
