If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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