I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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