you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
