That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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