halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
