btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
