You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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