Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
