I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
