I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
