i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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