I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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