how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...