i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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