it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible