UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.