I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.