Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.