maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.