the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Randomize
