I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize